Insecurity, lack of confidence, low self esteem and fear are some of the things that were part and parcel of life in my early years. Thinking about it in hindsight , i cannot pinpoint the moment these issues even started. I grew up in a loving family but i just remember always feeling less than, like i could not fit in or do well enough. At the age of 10 years my earthly daddy was called home to His heavenly Father. I did not really comprehend what the loss of my daddy meant spiritually, physically or emotionally but from that point on the insecurities and fear seemed to heighten or should i say were compounded by his demise.
Throughout school , university and a year into the work field , these unpleasant companions had made my life their permanent residence. They welcomed everyone who attempted to come into my life particularly the ones who made them feel most comfortable. Some relationships and connections gave more life to the insecurities, and fears more than others. I had learnt to live with fear, with insecurity and lack of confidence. They tagged along in all my friendships, relationships especially the boy- girl relationships.
Insecurity is the palace where fear resides comfortably. It is no surprise that many of the choices and decisions I made in this season of my life were so skewed. With no understanding of my worth and value, my sense of dignity was in shambles. Self respect was non existent and i tolerated the intolerable.
Knowing you are valuable but unable to live a life that reflects your value is one of the saddest things one can endure.
But THE GRACE of God found me in the midst of the chaos that had become my normal. Grace shone His great light and the darkness that was in me was no more. One Sunday morning during a church service, the preacher taught about the kind of Father we had in God. I knew the Lord’s prayer that begins: ‘Our Heavenly Father..‘ but up until that moment i had never made the connection. I had a daddy in God and He was asking me to accept Him as my daddy.
In this life changing encounter with God, the veil was torn off, and His truth came and revealed the root of my brokeness. Fathers give their children identity and are a source of security.
In this moment the Insecurity and fear i had lived with for so long got served its eviction notice.
And the journey began, My heavenly daddy revealing Himself to me completely , honestly and gently. Introducing me to the ME, He had in mind when He formed and fashioned me in my mother’s womb as i spent time in His word.
For You formed my inward parts;
You [f]covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for [g]I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. (Psalm 139: 13-14 NKJV)
The word of God undid the shackles of insecurity and fear that had bound me for so long. The word of God opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to the thoughts He had about me. I realised that God’s thoughts about me were more important than the thoughts i had about myself, my family, friends or even society. The word of God is truth and undoes every lie of the enemy however cleverly and subtly he veils it,
My value, worth and confidence is found in Him. (GOD) The value of something is usually attached to the price paid to attain it. Christ’s death for my life gives me the proper perspective on the value and worth He attaches to my life.
The intimidating yet best part is living a life that reflects the ME God had in mind when He formed me in my mummy’s womb. On going process..
You may wonder why it is important to God that you love you?
Our Lord Jesus summed up the law of Moses as just two commandments of God:
- Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’
2. And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
You need to Love You in order to truly love your neighbor. We receive God’s love that we may be vessels of His love to our neighbor. If we have not truly received His love and allowed His love to heal us, then it is no surprise that we find loving our neighbor so difficult.
Loving your neighbor starts with loving you.
Many times we are shy to truly love ourselves because we think it is prideful or being conceited but this one of the many lies of the enemy subtly veiled to hinder us from loving our neighbors as God commanded us. God is Love. Love in its purest form! When we receive God’s love for us, there is no pride in it.
I encourage you , to receive God’s love, to open yourself up to Him and meet the YOU He had in mind when He was forming you. Get to know yourself as God sees you, your worth, value and dignity.
Take time for you! Time is the most expensive resource and it is about time you invested it in YOU. Spend quality time with you, and make it worthwhile. Find out what makes you YOU, what makes you happy, sad, your strengths , weaknesses, gifts and talents.
Enjoy God, enjoy you and enjoy your neighbors.
Prayer:
Abba Father, thank you for being the best daddy to all of us your children. Help us to receive your amazing love. Help us to allow your love to make us whole from the inside out. I pray for anyone who is dealing with insecurity , fear, lack of confidence, low self esteem will run to you and allow you to help them overcome it. May our love for the neighbor truly be a reflection of your love in us. In Jesus name i pray, AMEN.
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