Happy New Year, everyone! Can you believe it’s already February 2025? Time is certainly zipping by. It feels like ages since I last shared my thoughts here, and I’m hoping to be more consistent this year.
The family is well, I am still in thick of all things motherhood with our toddlers. The chaos and the joy keep me busy and engaged. Interestingly I love it, way more than I imagined I would. Our eldest turned seven in December and I am still trying to understand how I have been in these motherhood streets for seven whole years! I still remember the overwhelming joy of holding my baby. Time needs to slow down a bit. We are past the toddler stage, and this means a shift in the parenting methods. It is dawning on me that I will soon have a teenager to guide and nurture.
When the apple doesn’t fall far…
Observing our daughter and reflecting on some of the distinct traits that make her, it is shocking how we have so much in common. At times it is funny and sweet seeing my mini me, but other times it is honestly scary and daunting especially when the not so cool parts of who I am are on full display in her. These ‘mirror, mirror’ moments lead me not only into self- reflection but also bring to the fore, the parenting complexities of facing my own weaknesses as I try to nurture my child through hers.
It’s fascinating and sometimes unsettling to see our own traits reflected back at us, especially the less desirable ones.
One of those areas that is on full display in this season is a shared challenge to do things that are out of our comfort zones. We are both high achievers who want to do well at everything we are doing, and while this is a good thing, the downside is, the fear of failure easily makes us choose not to attempt things we think we will fail at. This has manifested itself so many times in my life, and I had never paid attention to it, till I saw my daughter struggling with attempting to do things she found difficult or could easily fail at. Her response is to avoid, or refuse completely, at times get hysterical in tears. Initially, I got irritated and disturbed with her response until recently I decided to take it to the Lord in prayer.
In typical God fashion, the Holy Spirit highlighted an area of growth I have been struggling with, which mirrored our daughter’s struggle, complete with the tears. I have masked my resistance to take the step in doing things out of my comfort zone by telling myself countless times how it does not make a difference if I do it or not do it. This is really disobedience, however at the root of it is fear of failure. This realization is such a gift for us both because I reckon it as an opportunity for me to grow in empathy for my daughter and gently help and support her, as well as holding myself accountable to model the right way to face our fear for failure. This is an area we get to grow in together.
Parenting is indeed a catalyst for our own personal and spiritual growth.
The courage to face our fears begins by undoing the lies that failure is the end! It is focusing on the process rather than the outcome, celebrating the effort, however small we think it is , over the achievement, it is reframing “failure” as learning opportunity! I am excited to bring her along my own journey, sharing with her the areas where I am doing my best, and simply trusting the process over the outcome. Sharing my own struggles and triumphs, has been very encouraging for her. Ditching the super mom cape is helpful for us both as we navigate the fear of failure. It has created moments for more authentic connection and hopefully gives our daughter permission to be imperfect.
Our fear of failure has deep roots in perfectionism.
However, I will be the first to acknowledge that the balancing act of encouraging her to try new things, while also not pushing her too hard is one I am yet to fully grasp. Finding that sweet spot remains a challenge. I am eager to hear from other parents, particularly mothers who relate with this experience, on how they are navigating it. Do share with us in the comments.
Till next time,
Livi
Aaah, very beautiful, Love. You both are my lovely, strong, adorable, complex, and beautiful “twinnies” and I love you both.
100% agree, I think learning to fail is one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt. I actually wish I learnt earlier in life how to fail well, I would have saved a lot of time!
You are a so right Joy. The earlier we grasp the lesson, the easier it is to navigate the many ‘failures’ that are actually lessons..
Reading this made me realize the same struggle in myself. I react exactly the same way to my daughter’s display of my own weakness. I like that you prayed about it. I will do the same.
From one mom to another.. grace upon grace to us. Yes, take it to the Lord in prayer.